Week Seven

Event:  Church Singles Volunteer Activity

In the spirit of doing things I normally don't do, I looked online for a singles volunteer opportunity at my church.  This is the best of all worlds, I told myself.  It gets me to church, it helps the community and it forces me to meet people.  Done, done and done.

I showed up at church bright and early Saturday morning for the activity I signed up for online.  Now, I thought this meeting place and time was just for the singles group.  When I arrived, I quickly realized the church had numerous volunteer activities that day, with lots of different groups attending.  My group was the 'All ages singles group' and I was pleasantly surprised when I signed in on the clipboard to see about 15 names, most of them men.  I introduced myself to the group organizer and she pointed to where the group was gathering.  As I turned around (in slow motion), I closed my eyes for a moment to picture what I hoped to be a fraternity like gathering of 30-something guys all with a love for God, volunteering and someday, maybe me.  When I opened my eyes I was smacked with a dose of reality.  Oh, I forgot.  It's an all ages singles group.  I was the youngest by a few years, and the oldest member could have been my grandpa.  Laughing to myself, I put on my nametag and head over to meet my new, single friends.

A few minutes later a woman with a microphone kicked off the morning by introducing the team leaders.  As the team leaders met up with their individual groups, we had a quick prayer and we were dismissed.  Oh wait.  Suddenly, the woman with the microphone gets back on and loudly shouts, "Is the singles group still here?  Singles?  Singles?  Where are you?  Could you raise your hands?"  I was like, "Noooooooooooooooooo!  Please don't make me raise my hand in front of the more than 200 people!  Hey!  Look at me!  I'm single!"  The lobby, packed with volunteers, stops moving to make sure the singles group is located.  Standing smack dab in the middle of my group, I keep my hands firmly in my pockets, stare at the ground hoping to not be discovered, but my wonderful over-enthusiastic support group raises their hands with pride as if to signal to God that we are, in fact, still here.  Mortified, I look around, and laugh, as if meeting total strangers all by myself wasn't hard enough, let's go ahead and announce to the congregation that I am single.  "Are you there God, it's me.  And I'm still single."

We head out to our activity and I learn that all of the eligible bachelors are divorced and they all have kids.  In fact, a couple of them brought their kids.  The good news is, I love kids, so over the next 5 hours I make the best of it and become that 'cool aunt' that played with all of the kids.  After volunteering, we decided to go to lunch where one kid in particular, became quite smitten with me (only because I kept giving him quarters to play games).  Towards the end of lunch he came up to the table and whistles at me (like how a construction worker whistles when a woman walks by).  Cracking up, I asked him what that means (thinking he had no idea).  He replied, "It's what you do when you see a hot chic!"  Did I mention he was six-years-old?  Flattered but embarrassed, I pat him on the back and we all grab our coats to leave.  Suddenly I find myself walking out with his arm around my waist asking if he can go with me.  Ahhh, that's cute.  Now off to your daddy.  But no, he insists on getting into my car.  (His dad isn't helping at all).  Before I know it, both he and his dad are sitting in my car.  We're all laughing, but then my little crush did the unthinkable.  He asked me for my phone number!  (Yes, I'm still talking about the six-year-old!)  To make matters worse, he leaned in and tried to kiss me on the cheek! 

Words cannot express how I felt in that moment.  Embarrassed - check.  Mortified - check.  Humiliated - check.  I'm just glad God has a sense of humor.  But apparently I need to be a little more specific about what I'm looking for.