Sunday, January 31, 2010

Week Four

Event:  Took a road trip back to college

This weekend my College Alma Mater played our #1 Rival in Basketball, so 5 of us decided to live it up like we did 'back in the day' and spend the weekend cheering on our old team in our college town.  We arrived in town around 2:30, starving, having skipped lunch waiting for the much anticipated "Linner" at our favorite deli.  Unfortunately, it took us longer to get to the restaurant than anticipated.  Apparently everyone else was doing what we wanted to do - get a cab ride from our hotel down to the bar district so we wouldn't have to mess with a car.  So we decided to walk the 2 miles to the restaurant.  This, of course, was only a good idea since we knew we could make pit stops to bars along the way to warm up.  First stop, a super dive bar with the coldest beer I've ever had.  And then came the Tequila shots.  You know, Tequila is never a good idea.  Ever.

So we continue along our merry way and finally make it to our "Linner" destination.  It is now 4:30.  Forget Linner, let's call it the early bird special.  We inhale our dinner like pigs on slop, and once our sandwiches were finished, the last chip was devoured and the second order of cheese dip was gone, we sat back, took a deep breath and we were ready to hit the town.  Side note:  I had to unbutton my pants.

We made a couple of stops before landing at our game-watching location, throwing back a couple more brewskies and another shot that cleared my nasal cavity.  Peppermint something or other.  And despite being surrounded by 20-year-olds (making us feel ancient) we actually got carded...twice!  (Then you see the sign on the wall that says "We will card anyone who looks 35 years or younger."  Rats!)

Game time.  The game was about as exciting as you can get with back and forth lead changes resulting in overtime.  During these heated moments I felt it was my civic duty to make sure the crowd at the bar stayed on their toes.  That's why I decided to lead the bar in cheers while standing (and sometimes falling) on my chair.  I love college.  Where else can you get away with jumping on your chair, leading a crowd of strangers in a cheer only to have them cheer you on to do more.  I didn't let my people down.  It was magical.

The game ended with a less than desirable outcome and that's when I noticed a TV news crew was firing up to interview fans.  The camera guy was heading in our direction and one of my friends was asked to be interviewed.  Unfortunately for him, his 4 seconds of fame quickly came to an end as he went on a tangent about the other school's fans saying "this arrogance is typical for these fans..."  Sorry Jon.  End scene.  Fade to black.  Roll credits.  You're done buddy!  That's when I decided to swoop in, flip my hair, tilt my head and say, "Sir, if you need a more positive quote, I'm happy to oblige."  The camera man said, "Ok, let's do it."  So the news reporter comes up and begins asking me questions.  Let me state for the record I cannot recall what she asked me, nor can I recall what I said but let me tell you something.  I might win an Emmy for my performance.  Not only was I articulate (I mean, I've had like 782 beers!) but I was positive Pollyanna about school spirit, great performance despite the loss, this is a building year, yada yada yada.  Whatever I said prompted her to smile and say, "This was great.  It will be featured on our morning show tomorrow."

No autographs please.

The night wrapped up shortly after that, but not before a must-needed midnight stop at Pizza Hut.  I mean technically we hadn't had dinner, right?  Not wanting to end our amazing night at Pizza Hut, we ran across the street to one more bar.  And then we decided it was time to call it a day.  The wait for a cab was an hour, so we bundled up and walked back to our hotel.  Did I mention it was about 2 miles away?  Did I mention it was about 20 degrees outside?  Huddled together, we made it.  With only a slight amount of frost bite.

While getting ready to turn in for the night, I had a vision of waking up the next morning, fearing a scene from "The Hangover".  Luckily, besides the tiger in the bathroom, our group suffered only a few casualties - a lost earring, a minor trip on the sidewalk, skinned hands and knees, the wonderment of where all our money went and the realization that college really was the best time ever.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Week Three

Event:  Got Kidnapped and rode a Mechanical Bull

This week I was told by my good friends at work to be ready Friday night at 6:30 and to not ask any questions.  So, when they arrived the first thing I noticed was a wrapped present, which was handed to me when I got in the car.  "Here's something for you to wear tonight" they said.  Nervous, I ripped open the gift only to find they had purchased me a plum colored sweatshirt with a beautiful floral design...and a collar.  "Wow" I thought.  "They really shouldn't have."  And that's when I noticed the added bonus - one of my talented friends had monogrammed my name on it!  It was like real life Laverne & Shirley!  (only waaaaay worse).

Laughing about my new gift all the way, we pulled up to the secret destination - a local Comedy Club. I've always wanted to go, but have never been.  Praying this was not a practical joke and I was going to be the focus on Stacy London's 'What Not to Wear' show, I put on my new sweatshirt like a champ and we got seated.  As the lights dimmed, we noticed there were about 50 guys sitting in front of us.  Excited by the prospects I quickly realized two things:  I was wearing an embroidered floral print sweatshirt and oops, they were like 18.

After the show, we decided to go to dinner and further humiliate myself in my new sweatshirt.  Two of us treated ourselves to a half-yard of beer and for the record, I haven't had a half-yard of beer since St. Patrick's Day 1997.  It wasn't a good idea then either.  Upon finishing my yard, I proceeded to act out the many uses of an empty yard container.  It's quite useful as a flute, the horn seen in "Ricola" commercials, a really really long breast pump, the Statue of Liberty and a marching band baton.  (Did I mention I had two gin & tonics before dinner?  And some wonder why I'm still single...)

After this brilliant display of maturity, we headed to another bar.  We weren't sure what we were looking for, but boy did we find it.  We walked into a country bar and there was the thing I have tried to avoid most of my adult life:  A mechanical bull.  Well butter my biscuits and call me Reba I quickly befriended the 'cowboy' in charge of the bull and pleaded with him to A) Let me ride despite my clear intoxication, and B) Turn this bull into Bambi and make me look good.  He agreed to my terms and before I knew it, I was in the padded ring.  Wanting to make an entrance, I thought it would be a good idea to get a running start and mount the bull in one flying leap.  Enter liquid courage.

As soon as I was in position, left hand in the air, right hand firmly gripping the harness, the bull starts up and that's when it hit me.  Ooooooooooooooooh Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!  What am I doing?  My heart is pounding out of my chest.  Luckily, my Cowboy in Shining Armor kept his promise and I quickly realized the bull was moving as about as fast as those horses inside a grocery store kids pay a quarter to ride.  Oh thank God.  The bull finally came to a slow stop and I stepped off with my grace and dignity. 

And then I tripped on the padded mat.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Week Two

Event:  Went to a CD Release Party

After last week's semi-successful phone number exchange with Adam, I thought last night would likely be one of those fun nights with lots of flirting but no real connections.  Because let's face it, I think I've been asked for my phone number by a guy in a bar maybe 3 times. In my entire life. 

But boy was I wrong! 

When we arrived at the CD Release Party I was thrilled to see the bar was packed with people our age - especially what appears to be - lots of single guys.  So we find our friends, park it at a table and away we go.  Throughout the show, I kept making eye contact with this guy in a ball cap.  He was super cute and was playing hard to get.  Or wait.  Maybe he was ignoring me.  Either way, I was in cougar attack mode and it didn't matter.  Encouraged by my friends, I made my way over to where he was, (he was standing with another couple).  Let me state for the record I suck at this part.  I get nervous.  I clam up.  I make stupid comments all in an attempt to make conversation.  I might as well snort, push my glasses over my nose held together by duct tape and walk away with toilet paper on my shoe.  It's literally that bad.  But at least I try.

So I make it to the bar, get a beer and sort of stand near him.  I try to make a comment about the band in his general direction and he says nothing - but the girl he and his buddy are with responds and she and I have a terribly uncomfortable conversation about the band.  At one point I look past her and I ask him a direct question, which he answers and finally sticks out his hand.  "Hi, my name is Brad."  TOUCHDOWN!  But then he turns and starts talking to his buddy.  Shoot.  Quickly I realized I was awkwardly standing in their circle, but no one was talking to me.  Brilliantly, I say, "Oh I hope you don't think I'm trying to crash your conversation, I'm just waiting for a friend."  I'm an iditot!  What am I doing?  I then say, (as if they care) "Well, you guys have a good night" and as I turned away, I laughed at myself and...snorted.  Perfect.

Thinking I'm in stealth 'playing hard to get' mode, I make it back to my table, high five the girls and we wait.  Brad never comes over.  But wouldn't you know it, about an hour later the married girl he was with comes up to the table and says, "Can I hang out with you guys?  The boys are boring."  I'm like, "What?"  Interestingly, a while later here come Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum.  Brad finally makes an attempt to talk to me and that's when the other two decide it's time to leave.  They then invite me to go across town with them (uh, no) and Brad apologizes for talking so long to talk to me.  He then....(drum roll) asks for my number!  I'm like "where have you been all night?  You blew it!"  He shrugged his shoulders, we exchanged numbers and he left.

At about that time, a new threesome of guys walked up to our table and said hello.  I was on a roll at this point, so I started to talk to one of them.  His name is Dan, he's about my age, super cute and...oh wait...he's slurring his speech.  Great.  Holding onto the table for dear life, Dan tells me about how he's been laid off 4 times, lives at home with his parents, might have a drinking problem, has been a smoker since he was 12 and had a crazy night where he ended up in a Los Angeles jail.  I was like, "Dan stop talking!"  He then leaned over and while he was attempting to ask me to dinner, he accidentally spit out his gum...into my hair!  Luckily it didn't stick, continued to fall, bounced off my knee and fell to the floor.  Dan swiftly picked it up and stuck it under the table.  Welcome to 4th grade Dan.  Here's a napkin.

A few minutes later Rico Suave Dan spilled MY beer all over the table.  A thousand napkins later, we cleaned up the mess, grabbed our purses and Dan asked for my number.

One night.  Two numbers.  And the odds stacked 30,000 to 1 on who will call.

Monday, January 11, 2010

But wait, there's hope!

While I haven't heard from Adam yet, I was encouraged to see a headline in the news today:

"Singles crisis in China - Skewed China Birth Rate to Leave 24 Million Men Single."

Now see, just when you start to feel all hope is lost...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Week One

Event:  Had dinner and drinks with friends from out of town and gave a boy my number

Friday night a friend was in town so a bunch of us decided to meet at a local pizza joint for dinner, then out for drinks.  So, I rushed home from work (late as usual), let the dog out, found a dead squirrel on the back step, grabbed the shovel, got rid of the dead squirrel, let the dog back in, changed into jeans and boots and jumped in the car.  Shoot.  I forgot to freshen up my make-up, take a shower, shave, get a bikini wax and re-do my hair but dangit, I was late.  So off I go.

Dinner was great with the one small exception of meeting a new couple (also from out of town) who laughed hysterically at my past dating stories, but laughed even harder at what my online dating "handle" was.  I won't share it here because I can't take the humiliation, but apparently it's really bad.  Maybe that's why I never got any decent winks.

After dinner we headed over to a bar that we've frequented many times.  Within 15 minutes I had a good feeling.  There were lots of people, good music and the shuffle board game was open.  Game on!  So four of us started playing when I see out of the corner of my eye a girl I work with.  I run over to say hi and while catching up I notice she's sitting next to a really cute guy.  Ball cap - check.  5 o'clock shadow - check.  Million dollar smile - check.  I assume it's her boyfriend so when I mention it, they're both like "oh no, we're just friends."  She goes on to tell me this guy (we'll call him Adam) is single.  Suh-weet!  So, I turn on the funny/smart/flirtatious charm and before you know it, I'm sitting next to him and we're chatting away.

Thanks to a little encouragement from my co-worker, by the end of the night he and I had exchanged numbers and before I knew it, he had texted me and friended me on facebook.  Ahhh yeah.  Happy New Year to me!

So, we've texted a few times back and forth and now I wait.  This is the part I hate.  But I'll be patient.  (At least until noon tomorrow...)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Welcome to my New Year's Resolution.  It's time to take action and add a little excitement to my life...and maybe just maybe along the way meet the man of my dreams.  (You know, in a Serendipitous kind of way). 

So what's Serendipityfiftytwo you ask?  Well, I'm challenging myself to do one thing every week for 52 weeks that:  scares me, challenges me, excites me, forces me out of my comfort zone, makes me laugh, cry, dance or sing and I will recap every adventure right here for your (and my) enjoyment. 

Thanks for tagging along!  My life has been a comedy of errors, so get ready.  This will surely be a funny ride!