Sunday, October 31, 2010

Week Forty-Three

Event:  Entered a Halloween Costume Contest, trick-or-treated with a four-year-old and smashed a pumpkin

On Friday, my co-workers and I dressed up as a School of Fish for Halloween.  There were eleven of us and we all dressed up as a different type of fish:  A Clown fish (me of course), Zebra Fish, Angel Fish, Fish Stick, Rainbow Fish, Star Fish, King Fish, Bull Fish, Sword Fish, Gold Fish and Tuna Fish.  We cut a fish shape out of poster board and wore it like a sandwich board and decorated both our fish and ourselves.  (In honor of Nemo I even made a special fin that was smaller than the other).  We entered the company Halloween costume contest in the "group" category, and we thought we had a pretty good chance at winning until other groups started showing up.  As we were seated waiting for the contest to begin, we saw out of the corner of our eye a Cowboy, then Little Bo Peep, then freakin' Buzz Lightyear and both Mr. Potato Head AND Mrs. Potato Head.  Oh for the love of shark bait it was over.  Dreams shattered, we kept our gills held high and when it was time to take the stage, we owned it.  Sort of.

We were the first group to take the stage in our category, so we walked up and individually introduced ourselves, blowing bubbles hoping to really add to the effect.  Heck, we might as well have been called "Fish in 3-D".  The bubbles were that amazing.  Ok maybe I'm exaggerating.  I actually could not get the damn bubble stick out of the little cigarette sized bubble tube because I couldn't see past my big ass red nose or the oversized clown glasses I had on.  Plus I had multi-colored clown hair getting caught in my lip gloss so the fact that I had to pretend to swim, walk in clown shoes and make my mouth get close enough to a bubble stick to form what would inevitably be 3 tiny ass bubbles was beyond me.  Please don't tell the other fish.  Anywho.  The mild applause indicated to me the crowd either didn't get it, or they were speechless with our creativity.  Fish tails between our legs, we walked off the stage but that's when it hit me.  As a Clown Fish, it is my duty to make the people laugh.  So I grabbed the microphone and said, "Why did the shark cross the road?  To get to the other TIDE!"  Ok, I thought it was funny given the circumstances.  I then wanted to tap into the microphone and say, "Is this thing on?"  I exited stage left only to pass the entire cast of Toy Story.  Super.  Thinking we really nailed it with the bubbles and the joke, we were the ones that were speechless when the Toys performed a SKIT!  I mean, come on!  If we would have known we could have had sound effects, we would have at least played "Under the Sea" from the Little Mermaid, or at least the Jaws theme song.  Dang it.  Bubbles were not going to cut it.

The next group took the stage and at first we thought they were just 80's punk rockers, but then they turned on music to their theme song and that's when we realized they were dressed as the 80's TV Series, "Jem".  (Sing it with me now, "Jem is truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous, oh oh oh oh oh...")  Anyway, since they did a freakin' musical production and all we had were bubbles, we knew it was definitely over.  But then, the judges asked all of the groups to come back up to the stage, fish first.  I knew the crowd was thirsty for more, so I took the opportunity to tell my second favorite fish joke.  I grabbed the mircophone and said, "What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?  DAM!"

Ok, it's over.  We waved, we smiled, we blew our bubbles (I had actually thrown mine away already) and we swam off the stage.  As we stood off to the side, hoping we wouldn't place 4th (there were only 3 groups so that really would have been embarrassing) they announced the second place winner was....SCHOOL OF FISH!  Unbelievable.  It must've been the bubbles.  Or the jokes.  Either way, I celebrated our win by having shrimp for dinner.  Hooray.

For Halloween I decided to go trick-or-treating with my neighbors and their 4-year-old grandson.  We went up and down our block and at first, I couldn't believe how many people didn't have their lights on.  But then I thought well maybe it was because the first two kids I saw were like 18.  I wanted to go, "dude, you have, like, a beard."  But I didn't want him to smash my pumpkins so I let it go.  As we followed our sweet, innocent four-year-old up the block, he kept saying things like, "Come on guys!" and "Why are you going so slow?" and "This is like Easter!"  These comments coming out of a four-year-old policeman were just hilarious. 

When I got home, I couldn't help but look at the rotting pumpkin on my porch.  The stem fell of weeks ago and while the front of the pumpkin looked fine, the back was a black, rotting hole just waiting to take over.  Then it hit me - for the first time in I don't know how many years, no one has stolen a pumpkin off my porch and smashed it in the street.  Now, I'm not one to break tradition, so this crazy ghoul inside of me took over and I decided to smash MY OWN pumpkin on my own street in front of my own house.  I mean, really.  What's the big deal about smashing a pumpkin?  Having never done it before, I really wanted to know what was so fascinating about it.  So, I bent over to pick up the rotting pumpkin only to put my finger threw one of the squishy sides that I didn't think would be squishy.  Euw gross.  I finally found a sturdy spot and rolled it over onto my hand.  Walking down my own driveway, I quickly turned around when I saw a car coming.  Oh I get it, this is why this is so exciting.  You don't want to get caught.  But what did I care?  This was my own pumpkin, and my own street, and...but still.  I waited for the car to pass, then tried it again.  Damn!  Here comes a trick-or-treater.  Ok take your kit-kat and be on your merry way.  Finally, stillness.  I grabbed my pumpkin, ran down the driveway, threw the pumpkin straight up into the air and....SPLAT!  I've been hit!  Pumpkin seeds shot out like a canon, guts were splattered everywhere and it made the most fantastically disgusting sound.  Now I totally get it.  Marveling at my own Halloween horror scene, a car drove by my street and for a split second I thought it was a cop so I ran up the driveway, into the house, slammed the door and giggled like a teenager. 

It was then that I realized I have to clean it up. 
Hmmmmm.  I've never made pumpkin pie before...

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