Event: Bought a refrigerator, bought a second refrigerator and swam a lap in an Olympic sized pool
Last Sunday while grocery shopping (not in a handicapped motorized cart this time) I decided to buy a miniature fridge for my office at work. I convinced myself a mini-fridge would help me eat healthier - you know, fill it with fruits and veggies and lean pockets. (I don't eat those things now but a mini-fridge in my office would definitely change my eating habits). I had this idea as I was stocking up on frozen dinners, pizza and ice cream. I digress.
Thursday night I came home, made a turkey sandwich for dinner and went along my merry way. It wasn't until I opened up the freezer at 9:45 to get some ice that I reached in and my fingers splashed into a bucket of water. That's when I noticed the items in my freezer were swimming in a pool of vanilla ice cream. As I hung my head in disappointment I looked down and saw my dog licking his way into neverland as juice from the bag of no-longer-frozen chicken breasts dripped onto the floor. Neat.
At that moment, my stomach started to make a funny noise. I slowly opened up the fridge part of the refrigerator and discovered it too was not working. There was condensation on the bottles. The lettuce was wilted. Not sure how I missed luke-warm turkey and mayo but I ate dinner like a biggest loser contestant on a snack break and never noticed a thing. I had to lie down.
After I regained consciousness and convinced myself I did not just eat meat that had been sitting in a warm fridge all day, I went to the store and bought a bag of ice. When I got home, I moved everything salvageable into a cooler and threw away 3 bags of brand new groceries. It wasn't until I made a second trip to get ice on Friday night that it dawned on me. I HAVE A BRAND NEW FRIDGE IN MY DAMN CAR. But living out of a cooler is fun. What an idiot.
Saturday I went to Sears and bought a brand new Bisque colored Frigidaire. Did you know that the color Bisque is about as popular as black and white with pink polka dots? After spending 4 hours trying to find the perfect Bisque match, I walked away with my second refrigerator purchase in one week. This one unfortunately won't be delivered for 8 days! Looks like the fruit, veggie and lean pocket lifestyle is closer than I think...
Being a grown up sucks, so yesterday I went to the pool and managed to do everything my dermatologist told me not to. I didn't wear long sleeves, I didn't wear a hat and I didn't wear spf 50 sunscreen. I did, however, manage to get a killer sunburn, convince myself that I need to be on a strict veggie and fruit diet because of how I look in my tankini, and while attempting to swim a lap in the Olympic sized swimming pool I managed to pull a muscle, almost drown, and successfully take in 4 gallons of water in one ear drum. (That side breathing thing is harder than it looks!) Giving up, I decided it would be more fun to do hand stands and dive for pennies, but it was about that time I realized everyone around me was wearing swim caps and goggles. They were serious. Kicking off the wall, heading back to the other end of the pool I saw a friend of mine walking towards me. Attempting to look like I knew what I was doing, I tried to swim fast and hard but the reality was I was waterlogged, winded and nursing an injury. I'm afraid my freestyle swimming stroke ended up being more like a freestyle-walk-backfloat-stop-for-a-breather-tadpole-frog-leg-kick-walk-some-more-doggie-paddle-oh-who-am-I-kidding-let's-find-the-ladder-and-get-outta-here-stroke.
I think I'll stick to golf.