Monday, August 2, 2010

Week Thirty

Event:  Bought a refrigerator, bought a second refrigerator and swam a lap in an Olympic sized pool

Last Sunday while grocery shopping (not in a handicapped motorized cart this time) I decided to buy a miniature fridge for my office at work.  I convinced myself a mini-fridge would help me eat healthier - you know, fill it with fruits and veggies and lean pockets.  (I don't eat those things now but a mini-fridge in my office would definitely change my eating habits).  I had this idea as I was stocking up on frozen dinners, pizza and ice cream.  I digress.

Thursday night I came home, made a turkey sandwich for dinner and went along my merry way.  It wasn't until I opened up the freezer at 9:45 to get some ice that I reached in and my fingers splashed into a bucket of water.  That's when I noticed the items in my freezer were swimming in a pool of vanilla ice cream.  As I hung my head in disappointment I looked down and saw my dog licking his way into neverland as juice from the bag of no-longer-frozen chicken breasts dripped onto the floor.  Neat.

At that moment, my stomach started to make a funny noise.  I slowly opened up the fridge part of the refrigerator and discovered it too was not working.  There was condensation on the bottles.  The lettuce was wilted.  Not sure how I missed luke-warm turkey and mayo but I ate dinner like a biggest loser contestant on a snack break and never noticed a thing.  I had to lie down. 

After I regained consciousness and convinced myself I did not just eat meat that had been sitting in a warm fridge all day, I went to the store and bought a bag of ice.  When I got home, I moved everything salvageable into a cooler and threw away 3 bags of brand new groceries.  It wasn't until I made a second trip to get ice on Friday night that it dawned on me.  I HAVE A BRAND NEW FRIDGE IN MY DAMN CAR.  But living out of a cooler is fun.  What an idiot. 

Saturday I went to Sears and bought a brand new Bisque colored Frigidaire.  Did you know that the color Bisque is about as popular as black and white with pink polka dots?  After spending 4 hours trying to find the perfect Bisque match, I walked away with my second refrigerator purchase in one week.  This one unfortunately won't be delivered for 8 days!  Looks like the fruit, veggie and lean pocket lifestyle is closer than I think...

Being a grown up sucks, so yesterday I went to the pool and managed to do everything my dermatologist told me not to.  I didn't wear long sleeves, I didn't wear a hat and I didn't wear spf 50 sunscreen.  I did, however, manage to get a killer sunburn, convince myself that I need to be on a strict veggie and fruit diet because of how I look in my tankini, and while attempting to swim a lap in the Olympic sized swimming pool I managed to pull a muscle, almost drown, and successfully take in 4 gallons of water in one ear drum.  (That side breathing thing is harder than it looks!)  Giving up, I decided it would be more fun to do hand stands and dive for pennies, but it was about that time I realized everyone around me was wearing swim caps and goggles.  They were serious.  Kicking off the wall, heading back to the other end of the pool I saw a friend of mine walking towards me.  Attempting to look like I knew what I was doing, I tried to swim fast and hard but the reality was I was waterlogged, winded and nursing an injury.  I'm afraid my freestyle swimming stroke ended up being more like a freestyle-walk-backfloat-stop-for-a-breather-tadpole-frog-leg-kick-walk-some-more-doggie-paddle-oh-who-am-I-kidding-let's-find-the-ladder-and-get-outta-here-stroke. 

I think I'll stick to golf.

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